BYUI FAML FPP--Nurture our Marriage Through Love and Friendship

The Family: A proclamation to the World says "Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other." As husband and wife we have the responsibility to love and care for each other above any other marital obligation.  A couple of semesters ago I took a marriage class where I was required to John Gottman The Seven Principles for Making Marriage work. I love and recommend this book.  In the book it states that "happy marriages are based on a deep friendship...a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each others company." As I read this book I realized that my husband and I were not best friends. I had family members that I shared my feelings with more than my husband. I learned from this book that in order to have a loving and lasting relationship with my spouse I needed to make him my best friend. From that point on I made it a goal to have my husband be my best friend. It isn’t easy in fact researching this topic over again has made me realize I need to be better. Developing a friendship is not a one time activity it is ongoing.  

How do we nurture our love and friendship?   

Build a love map. Successful marriages and families suggests learning about our partner’s love preferences. You can do this by building a love map. A love map is information that we want to remember about our spouse, their dreams, joys, fear worries, etc.  It helps us learn about our spouse and how to love them better. My husband and I built a love map and we learned we both have tsimilar preferences which we have been able to use to our benefit.

This link offers a starting place for a love map.

  

Talk as Friends. This is is something that should be done daily. Try and avoid anything at this time that would cause conflict. I have found that this is a time that my husband and I do not talk about the kids but have adult conversation.  At this time we show interest, take turns talking, and don't interrupt or rebuke our spouse.

We have many ways that we can nurture love and friendship and I would start by building a love map about your spouse and truly talking as friends. It might feel awkward at first but it is very beneficial for your long term relationship. 

Next week I will talk about ways to date our spouse to nurture and build our love and friendship, and repairing relationships.